Was I really safe?
Before Blue Titan I was comfortable with the way I trained on the outside looking in. I had a friend group where I trained, I had my black belt, and I could run an 8 minute mile. But something was missing…. Even though I had trained for 8 years in traditional martial arts, why did I STILL feel unsafe walking alone at night…why after 8 years of training did I not feel comfortable with the way I looked or my fitness performance? …I always knew i loved martial arts but it seemed like I was hitting a wall. I was hitting this wall hard…it made my heart hurt. I then decided to step away from training for a few months. Maybe it was better if I stopped. During those 3-4 months i felt like an aimless couch potato. I didn’t feel like me…I couldn’t even remember why I loved to train…
Right around the 3-4 month mark my mom started mentioning this thing called “Krav Maga” I remember her coming home sweating and smiling and telling me all about the cool drills she had done. She peaked my curiosity so I went to class. The first class I took consisted of a warm up and a stress drill consisted of striking the pad then, sprint, then strike, as hard as I could. I nearly passed out! I had never experienced such a feeling after hitting a pad. The sense of urgency and context of a fight is something I will never forget and had me hooked!
As months passed by got to experience all of the instructors. I remember watching how powerful my coaches were with their strikes. There was confidence, precision and care. There was a reason and a purpose behind each drill. Every drill we did brought out a little piece of me that I didn’t know existed. Circle of death is one of those drills that brought out my inner demons. Having multiple people grabbing yelling, and pushing you to go 2000% of your max effort hurt and was terrifying. It was a slap in the face to wake up. Life is here and now and you better fight for it. When I felt like curling into a ball on the floor because I have thrown my entire heart into a drill, Blue Titan’s coaches were there to tell me too keep going. To dig even deeper and fight. After a drill and the strong reaction I had like that I initially felt like I had failed. But I was wrong. My instructors showed me that this experience is a place for growth. They worked with me on staying calm and collected through really stressful drills like this. I learned then, at the end of the day, it’s okay to not be perfect.
What was even crazier was even after this realization as a student, there was more to be learned once I started the Instructor training internship for Phase A. I truly learned how hard our coaches work to make sure classes run smoothly and making sure that everyone goes home safe. I love the variety of coaches at Blue Titan. Each of them have their own context to self-defense and I always find myself learning something new every day.
When it came to CrossFit, it was a whole different animal! My first official WOD was MURPH. During that WOD the mentality that everyone was in this and would finish this WOD together touched my heart. It made an incredibly difficult workout fun and enjoyable. I never thought Id be the girl to lift a heavy weight let alone anything other than the bar. The coaches down stairs pushed me harder than ever. If I felt like I ran fast, they tell me I can go faster. When I pick a weight they push me to go heavier. The best part is they don’t have me do it blindly. They coached me through proper mobility, positioning, and breathing. So that I can train safely.
Even when I have injuries or can’t do something, the coaches find modifications so that each member gets the most out of their training. I am no longer afraid of pushing myself till I collapse on the floor in a puddle of sweat. I am no longer afraid of going a faster on a run. I am no longer afraid of the 100 sprawls, burpees, and pull ups that show up in class. Blue Titan have given me a second home, and family. Blue titan you make the impossible possible. The scary into exciting, the pain, into growth. One rep at a time, one punch at a time, one day at a time. Thank you.